I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
