You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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