I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
