I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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