YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
