I'm going to jail i love you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
