I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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