i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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