you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
