When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He? As in you personified your dick?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
