He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
