he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
