Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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