Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
