The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
