I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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