felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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