when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
