I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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