So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
