All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
