You smell like stripper and shame
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
