we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
