So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
