You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
