Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
