i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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