Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
