We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
