I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
