Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
