Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
