I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
