I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
