I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
