No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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