2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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