i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
