you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
