i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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