stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
