All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
