I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
