If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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