I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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