Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
