a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
