They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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