Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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