I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
