even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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