sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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