I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have fence marks all over my body
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
