Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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