saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
