love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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