Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
